sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
