dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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