Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
