I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
