Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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