i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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