just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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