It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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