just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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