the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
