you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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