You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ketchup is God's man juice
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize