im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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