So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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