speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
