Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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