mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How's work?
Spinning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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