hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
