How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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