Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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