also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
