His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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