I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They took my balls.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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