the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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