i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
