my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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