Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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