Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
