we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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