Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
