On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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