we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
