Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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