The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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