Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
