just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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