I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
