I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize