I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
