It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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