Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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