Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
