That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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