You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
