Pants 0. Shit 1.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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