i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
