i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
