before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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