yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
