That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The air taste purple.
Randomize
