I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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