He disabled his match.com account in front of me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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