Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my sisters under your porch take her home
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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