He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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