Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
