I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
