i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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