i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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