My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
