allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
