I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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