i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
