I have demons in me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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