I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
