whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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