Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize