The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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