Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I cockslap morals
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
