just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
