I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
