if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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