Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
