her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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